I think we need to come up with a name for Al Gore’s religion of man-made global warming. Trucker Tom to the rescue!!! Al Gore’s religion shall henceforth be known as “Algonite.” The followers of this religion shall be called “Algonites.”
Of course Al Gore is the self-proclaimed prophet, guru and high priest (or perhaps Pope?) of the Algonite religion. Al’s movie “An Inconvenient Truth” is the Algonite Holy Media Scripture.
All religions have to have sinners, demons, guilt, repentance, sacrifice, atonement, tithing and a Holy City. The Holy Church of Algonite has all of these aspects covered and more.
In Algonite theology, to “sin” is to produce carbon dioxide in some way.
Algonite “demons” are crude oil and gasoline. The Algonite Devil Incarnate is Nuclear Power.
Algonites are encouraged and conditioned to feel guilt every time they see someone take a breath and exhale carbon dioxide, or see someone driving around in a car or simply living their life productively in a developed First World economy.
Algonite repentance is easy — to repent an Algonite follower simply has to give lip service to Algonite theology.
Algonite sacrifice is also easy — Algonites simply advocate rules and laws that apply to “other” people but never to themselves, because Algonites themselves are too important to be bothered with such things.
Algonite atonement is wrapped up in following the latest Algonite trends — buy a Toyota Prius Hybrid to “make a statement” for example. A Toyota Prius Hybrid also functions as an obvious Algonite Holy Relic, making it possible for Algonite believers to recognize each other and feel good about themselves in the process. Why settle for a chrome fish when it can be the whole car instead?
Algonite tithing is done in the form of purchasing carbon offsets and also doubles as a trendy way for wealthy Algonites to purchase atonement.
The Algonite Holy City is Kyoto, Japan, known throughout the Algonite religion for it’s Holy Protocols.
Most religions have their share of phony, hypocritical preachers, and the Algonites are no exception. The Head Algonite Himself, Al Gore, is the biggest hypocrite of all. He is living a very expensive, lavish, energy-burning lifestyle, yet he wants to keep West Africans from even getting electricity.
From an article: “Gore’s mansion, located in the posh Belle Meade area of Nashville, consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year, according to the Nashville Electric Service (NES). The average household in America consumes 10,656 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per year, according to the Department of Energy. In 2006, Gore devoured nearly 221,000 kWh-more than 20 times the national average. Last August alone, Gore burned through 22,619 kWh-guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year.
In total, Gore paid nearly $30,000 in combined electricity and natural gas bills for his Nashville estate in 2006. His average monthly electric bill is $1,350. His average monthly gas bill is $1,080. More than most working families pay for their mortgage which is a basic necessity – shelter. In addition his energy usage has actually increased since the release of his global warming film, from 16,200 kWh per month to 18,400 kWh per month.”
Despite this obvious hypocrisy, Algonites the world over are beaming over the fact that Pope Algore The First had his official Papal Inauguration by being given the Nobel Peace Prize.